capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
