I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
