Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
