I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
