Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Houston, we have a squirter
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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