just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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