I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
