it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
