How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
