Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it's like heaven, but drunker
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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