Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
