Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
