ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
