last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
