u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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