Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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