I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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