your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
