You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
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You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
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Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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