glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
