Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
