in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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