FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
