Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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