After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
