Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
