drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think your dad took our porno
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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