That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
