Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
