My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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