How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
