Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
