...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
