were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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