dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
