Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
