No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
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All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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