I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
