Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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