haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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