Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
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Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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