God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
