I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
