Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
