He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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