we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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