I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
