I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
