Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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