At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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