Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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