if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
