last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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