Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
