peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it glows. i had to have it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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