So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
