dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
