just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
