Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
