i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
