i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
