i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
