Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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