even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
