How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So much rum. So many feels.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
