You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
