also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
