I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
