Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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