true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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