I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
