Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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